I Like Potatoes

Why Did You Burp/I Like Potatoes is a potato farming collective/band of assassins/barbershop quartet.

We were founded by the late Henry P. Beeman, scion of the Beeman’s Pepsin Chewing Gum (“Good for Digestion”) family empire. It all started when Henry’s Uncle Clayborn Beeman III had an upset tummy after devouring 57 baked potatoes in an international competition. Surprised and angered that potatoes could cause his uncle so much pain, he vowed to himself that he’d find a remedy to cure any lingering pain the potato may cause. And thus, a chewing gum dynasty was developed for the mere reason of helping digestion. And then Henry murdered his competition, namely Robert Big Red and Ed Juicy Fruit so that only Beeman’s Pepsin chewing gum could help digestion. In order to sell his gum, he hired a barbershop quartet that featured Slim Watkins (a Harlem Globetrotter), Whit Biggleton (a medicine man), Oscar Curplunk (a mute) and Jimmy Stewart (an actor). They created several popular jingles but then Jimmy Stewart (allegedly) poisoned the rest of the group members because he was such a narcissistic glory hound. He’d later tell long, insanely boring stories about his dog and the murders.

Well, that’s a little of our finaciers background. No more questions will be answered and no more facts stated about this. Just enjoy the site and get the hell out because we don’t need you snooping around. Or you could end up missing. (Not a threat….okay, maybe it is.)