I Like Potatoes

I’ve collected a number of fortune cookies from around the world and would like to share them with you. While most fortune cookies are similar and full of hope or life advice, sometimes a few sneak through that make me uncomfortable and sad. I don’t know if the writers were having a bad day or what, but they must have been really down. Here’s a few examples of one’s I wasn’t very keen on. Remember, these are real. I swear to God.

-Do not turn around right now. Whatever you do, don’t turn around.

-No, there’s no meatball inside this cookie, Fatty.

-Sometimes life gives you a lemon. So you’re forced to kill yourself.

-You’re not as good at ping pong as you think you are.

-Have you looked in the mirror today. If not, don’t.

-You know that certain someone you’ve had a crush on for a while, well, they don’t even know your name nor will they ever care about you.

-Smiling can do you wonders; especially in front of a firing squad.

-You have a secret admirer but they’re in prison.

-You can do anything in this world, except what you want.

-We’re all good at something, except you.

-Knowledge is a tree and your tree is a shrub.

-You’re not even as good looking as Steve Buscemi.

-You were an orphan for a reason.

-Enlightenment comes from within, but your unattractiveness can be seen by the world.

-The key to happiness is money.

-You have no idea what that orange chicken really was, do you?

-If I were you, I wouldn’t start my car outside.

-Don’t worry, most people are completely average like you.